SELF-DESCRIBED “DIE-HARD ACTION FIGURE FAN” WISHES FAILURE UPON ALL TOY COMPANIES

BREAKING NEWS:

SELF-DESCRIBED “DIE-HARD ACTION FIGURE FAN” WISHES FAILURE UPON ALL TOY COMPANIES

Think you’re a true action figure fan? Bet you don’t hate action figures as much as this fan, who pre-orders at least 20 figures every week!

Despite self-identifying as a “lifelong toy and action figure fan,” 27-year-old Brad Fairthorne of Baton Rouge devotes nearly all of his time and energy to bemoaning his perceived shortcomings of “the toy business” and gleefully anticipating how various companies will fail.

This past week, immediately after the Hasbro Pulse Marvel Legends livestream, Fairthorne spent seven consecutive hours in an online toy website forum arguing that Hasbro is “grasping at straws” and will be “belly-up in five months, guaranteed.”

Cloistered in his basement bedroom of his parents’ suburban home, the former sandwich artist writes on his blog, “Brad’s Toy Page”, about his innumerable grievances regarding McFarlane Toys, NECA, Super7, Mafex, Mattel, Hasbro, Mezco, and any other company that does not conform exactly to his subjective whims and preferences.

Blog posts Fairthorne has penned include: “10 Reasons This Wave of DC Multiverse Should be the Last,” “Why the Star Wars Black Series line Needs to Go Away,” and “NECA Actually Stands for Not Even Capable of Articulations”

Although he is convinced that “Todd McFarlane, Ryan Ting and Dan Yun are regular readers” of his blog, Google Analytics for the site reveal that the majority of his website’s 29 pageviews last year were the result of his mother, who was looking to see if the site contained dirty language.

Fairthorne has declared he is “boycotting Marvel Legends” on at least 27 separate occasions.

NB: This article is an homage/tribute to Kayfabe News, a fantastic satirical website about pro-wrestling, who posted this article a couple of years ago, which is one of my favorites: https://www.kayfabenews.com/self-described-die-hard-wrestling-fan-wishes-failure-upon-all-wrestling-promotions/ It turns out it’s also a nice fit for our toy community!

More news at 11:00… “THESE FIGURES SUCK, I WILL PRE-ORDER THEM ALL!”

#toyfarce #kayfabenews #fandom #toxic #actionfigures #toys #collectibles #toycollector #toycommunity #toycollection #humor #satire #parody

FRIENDS WITH KIDS CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEIR CHILDREN CAN’T PLAY WITH YOUR TOYS WHEN THEY VISIT!

BREAKING NEWS:

FRIENDS WITH KIDS CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEIR CHILDREN CAN’T PLAY WITH YOUR TOYS WHEN THEY VISIT!

This scenario has happened to all of us collectors at least once: Friends or family come to visit, they bring along small children, “Can my child play with some of your toys?”, chaos ensues.

We all have some nightmare stories like that, so please do share yours in the comments! We’ll start:

A few years ago, a couple of friends we hadn’t seen for a long time came to visit, and they brought along their child (aged 3). Upon arrival, the husband saw the toy collection and asked “Oh, nice! Can my kid borrow a few toys to play with?” to which I quickly reply “No, those are not for playing” and explained politely that they were collectibles, some of them were actually quite pricey, and that is why they are in glass cabinets, and not just lying on the floor. (Also, I didn’t realize I was the one supposed to provide entertainment for his kids when they visit…). I asked if they wanted that we put some cartoon on Netflix for the kid, and he replied “No, he does not watch TV”. Great.

As the conversation went on, I kept an eye on the 3 year old, which was looking at the toys in the Detolfs, and even went to discuss with him about what he liked, and if he knew some of the characters (Apparently, 3 year old kids are not into the Walking Dead, Metal Gear Solid or Stranger Things. Weird, right? He did like Batman and Star Wars, though). The kid was absolutely fine with just looking and seemed to enjoy it. His father, though, kept asking “How about this toy? Is it expensive? Can he have it?” pointing at the Hot Toys 1989 Batmobile. “It’s big, he’s not gonna break it”. Yeaaah, nah. He kept asking every few minutes about other toys, and didn’t seem to grasp the general atmosphere (even his wife was a bit annoyed by then).

“Can I take a photo of the kid with this on?” pointing at the Marvel Legends Iron Man helmet. At this point, we all looked at each other, realizing that he would not stop until we gave him at least something, and agreed to take the pic if he would stop to ask after that. Here it is:

The child didn’t even want it, and barely moved as his dad was placing the helmet on his head. Needless to say, they haven’t visited a lot since, and we would always meet at THEIR place after that. It was weird because it wasn’t the child himself that made the situation uncomfortable, but the parent.

(And before anyone thinks that ToyFarce is anti-children, this is not the case at all. There are plenty of well behaved children (and parents!) that have visited over the years without a single issue. Children of collectors also usually understand very well that there is a difference between kids toys, and “mummy or daddy’s toys”. We’re only talking about the situations where things went south!)

Let us know your stories in the comments! This should be good, I’ll bring the popcorn!

More news at 11:00… “…but can he borrow that toy?”

#toyfarce #collectorstories #parents #children #chaos #hottoys #batman #marvel #mcu #marvellegends #ironman #actionfigures #toys #collectibles #toycollector #toycommunity #toycollection #humor #satire #parody

“STOP PUTTING TOYS IN THEM!”: AN INTERVIEW WITH SVEN IVAR DETOLF, THE INVENTOR OF THE DETOLF GLASS CABINET!

TOYFARCE INTERVIEWS:

“STOP PUTTING TOYS IN THEM!”: AN INTERVIEW WITH SVEN IVAR DETOLF, THE INVENTOR OF THE DETOLF GLASS CABINET!

“With a glass-door cabinet, you can show off as well as protect your glassware or your favorite collection.” This is the official description of the Detolf glass cabinet on IKEA’s website. If you’re a toy collector, you’re most certainly familiar with those, as we’ve seen thousands of pictures of toy collection displayed in one or more Detolfs (Detolves?)

ToyFarce managed to get an exclusive interview with Sven Ivar Detolf, the inventor of the glass cabinet, and he had some sour words to say to all toy collectors!

ToyFarce: Hi Sven, and thank you so much for doing this interview with us.

Sven Ivar Detolf: Yes. Hi. (Reminder that Sven is Swedish, therefore has limited social skills)

ToyFarce: So, Sven, how did you come up with the idea of the Detolf glass cabinet?

Sven Ivar Detolf: Well, my wife had some nice bowls and vases that she kept in a cupboard, so we couldn’t see them. I asked her if she wanted a cupboard that would be made of glass, so that we could see the nice bowls and glassware, and she said yes. So, I invented it. Then, I gave it my name.

ToyFarce: Wow, that’s…a nice story? Anyway, how happy are you to know that to this day, your Detolf are still sought after, and even sometimes hard to find, because collectors worldwide are using them to display there most precious items?

Sven Ivar Detolf: I DON’T LIKE IT.

ToyFarce: Oh…?

Sven Ivar Detolf: It’s not what I designed it for! It’s made to display bowls, vases and other glassware. Stop putting toys in them! They’re not made for that. Have you seen the promotional pictures? There’s bowls and glassware in them! Nothing else! Maybe trophies, sometimes, but even that is already too much!

ToyFarce: But surely, you can appreciate that some people come up with some great displays, adding lights and backgrounds to show off their most precious items, no?

Sven Ivar Detolf: I don’t care! Get out of my house.

So… this didn’t go well. We haven’t heard of Sven Ivar Detolf since, but an anonymous source told us that it’s not a coincidence that some of our Detolf glass cabinet sometimes “accidentally explode” when we put toys in them. ToyFarce will investigate more on that!

More news at 11:00… SECRET DETOLF EXPLOSION ATTACK!

#toyfarce #detolf #ikea #ikeadetolf #hasbro #mattel #hottoys #neca #mcfarlanetoys #super7 #toycollector #toycollection #toys #actionfigures #collectibles #toycommunity #satire #humor #parody

SCALPERS UNAPOLOGETIC ABOUT RUINING CHILDREN’S CHRISTMAS BY BUYING ALL THE TOYS!

SAD NEWS:

SCALPERS UNAPOLOGETIC ABOUT RUINING CHILDREN’S CHRISTMAS BY BUYING ALL THE TOYS!

“If they want it, they can buy it on my eBay page!”

We’re a few days away from Christmas, and once again, this year, some items will not be available for children (and adults too!) all over the world, because some adult men prefer profit over letting people be happy!

This year’s selection includes the newest generation consoles, such as the Playstation 5 or the XBox Series X, the latest NECA Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles offerings (Animated Splinter and Baxter two-pack, 90’s movie Splinter and Shredder two-pack, and the enormous Krang figure), the Jazwares (and Wicked Cool Toys) AEW figures (both series 1 and 2), most of Hasbro’s GI Joe Classified figures, etc…

After reaching with the S.C.A.L.P. Corporation, we were told that there will be no apology, and that “it’s a free country”, “first-come-first-served”, “not our fault if you don’t go to wait at 6:30 in front of your Walmart/Target to buy the entire stock”, and “you can always buy it on our eBay page at a higher price, which includes the Time & Energy tax.”

Some things will never change…

In the meantime, ToyFarce hopes you got all the collectibles you wanted, placed all those pre-orders on the toys you need, and hope that you’ll be happy with all the upcoming announcements from your favorite brands!

The upcoming last few articles of this year will be ‘Top 5’ or ‘Top 10’ (if we find enough things) of 2020. We hope you’ll enjoy them!

More news at 11:00… and Merry Christmas, ya f#%$g b$%*@s! (Not sure if this was the original quote)

#toyfarce #christmas #merrychristmas #happyholidays #exceptforscalpers #scalpers #toys #collectibles #hasbro #necaofficial #jazwares #wickedcooltoys #children #ruined #playstation5 #toycollector #toycommunity #toycollecting #humor #parody #satire

COLLECTOR BUYS HIMSELF RARE, EXPENSIVE TOYS; TELLS EVERYONE HIS WIFE GOT THEM FOR HIM!

BREAKING NEWS:

COLLECTOR BUYS HIMSELF RARE, EXPENSIVE TOYS; TELLS EVERYONE HIS WIFE GOT THEM FOR HIM!

“My fiancé went to do the groceries and got me the entire GI Joe Classified Cobra Island set! She’s a keeper!”

“My wife surprised me this VINTAGE MINT ON CARD JAWA WITH VYNIL CAPE that I was missing! She thought it was cute and that I would like it! Thanks, Sarah!”

“My boyfriend just bought me an helicopter LOL!”

In the last few years, you may have seen lots of posts similar to this. It seems that lots of significant others are suddently very savvy about the toys and collectibles that their partners want, and somehow find some good deals, out of nowhere. ToyFarce does not deny that this can happen, and that some definitely share the passion with their soulmates, of course, but some of them do sound a bit too big…

Let’s be honest for a second, here: To the guy that says that his wife “surprised him” with a Mint in sealed box GI Joe U.S.S. Flagg Aircraft Carrier as an “early Christmas present”: We don’t believe you. You totally bought this for yourself.

A lot of collectors have collections of decent sizes and sometimes need to have a checklist to keep track of what they have, so having their partner “randomly surprising them” with one of the few items that they are missing does sound suspicious. They could at least admit that they asked them for that very specific one.

So what makes collectors post something like that? Is it for the attention? Would their post get more ‘likes’ if they say their wife bought it rather than saying that they bought it themselves? Is it to reduce the guilt of succombing to the temptation and paying scalper prices? The mystery remains unresolved…

What do you think about it?

More news at 11:00… by the way, totally unrelated, but my girlfriend just bought me fifteen Prime1 Studios statues this month. Thanks, honey!

#toyfarce #collectors #toys #collectibles #toycollector #toycollecting #mywife #mywifeboughtmethis #lies #yousitonathroneoflies #hasbro #hottoys #neca #humor #parody