SELF-DESCRIBED “DIE-HARD ACTION FIGURE FAN” WISHES FAILURE UPON ALL TOY COMPANIES
BREAKING NEWS:
SELF-DESCRIBED “DIE-HARD ACTION FIGURE FAN” WISHES FAILURE UPON ALL TOY COMPANIES
Think you’re a true action figure fan? Bet you don’t hate action figures as much as this fan, who pre-orders at least 20 figures every week!
Despite self-identifying as a “lifelong toy and action figure fan,” 27-year-old Brad Fairthorne of Baton Rouge devotes nearly all of his time and energy to bemoaning his perceived shortcomings of “the toy business” and gleefully anticipating how various companies will fail.
This past week, immediately after the Hasbro Pulse Marvel Legends livestream, Fairthorne spent seven consecutive hours in an online toy website forum arguing that Hasbro is “grasping at straws” and will be “belly-up in five months, guaranteed.”
Cloistered in his basement bedroom of his parents’ suburban home, the former sandwich artist writes on his blog, “Brad’s Toy Page”, about his innumerable grievances regarding McFarlane Toys, NECA, Super7, Mafex, Mattel, Hasbro, Mezco, and any other company that does not conform exactly to his subjective whims and preferences.
Blog posts Fairthorne has penned include: “10 Reasons This Wave of DC Multiverse Should be the Last,” “Why the Star Wars Black Series line Needs to Go Away,” and “NECA Actually Stands for Not Even Capable of Articulations”
Although he is convinced that “Todd McFarlane, Ryan Ting and Dan Yun are regular readers” of his blog, Google Analytics for the site reveal that the majority of his website’s 29 pageviews last year were the result of his mother, who was looking to see if the site contained dirty language.
Fairthorne has declared he is “boycotting Marvel Legends” on at least 27 separate occasions.
NB: This article is an homage/tribute to Kayfabe News, a fantastic satirical website about pro-wrestling, who posted this article a couple of years ago, which is one of my favorites: https://www.kayfabenews.com/self-described-die-hard-wrestling-fan-wishes-failure-upon-all-wrestling-promotions/ It turns out it’s also a nice fit for our toy community!
More news at 11:00… “THESE FIGURES SUCK, I WILL PRE-ORDER THEM ALL!”
#toyfarce #kayfabenews #fandom #toxic #actionfigures #toys #collectibles #toycollector #toycommunity #toycollection #humor #satire #parody